So remember that whole ‘December Detox’ thing I was going for? Well in complete honesty, it failed. Not every part of it, but a lot of it. Things I did accomplish: No social media, sleeping more, treating myself once a week to something relaxing. Wooo! The others on the list, no so much. But that doesn’t mean I am a failure. Rather, I am human.
Here’s a fun fact: as humans, our brain has a negativity bias (!). This means our brains are wired to be more tuned into negative news than positive. From the earliest era of our existence, this podcast explains it well in that when presented with positive versus negative news, our brains latch onto the negative, and casually dismiss the positive. This way of thinking in times of danger has helped us survive, but in today’s world, it is extremely destructive. This last year has had many lows, both publicly and personally, but that is all the more reason to celebrate and reflect on the positive.
My 2017 Highlights
I travelled out of the country! With the best people ever.
I crossed off new hikes! In the most beautiful places ever. Including best people ever.
I graduated from college! From the best place ever. Extra best people ever. ( I almost forgot this one!)
I got my first job! At the best place ever. Even more best people ever.
I got my first apartment! In the best place ever. Add to list of best people ever.
I spent high quality time with my friends (old and new) and family. Legit best people ever.
Okay, I’m seeing a theme here. I get to do life with THE BEST PEOPLE EVER. Not until I sat here writing this, did I realize how much of my life is based on the people I am surrounded by. So to you my co-workers, housemates, family, friends near and far, you are responsible for my energy, happiness, fulfillment, joy, and all around wellbeing. I hope our time together and relationships only continue to grow and develop because I really do love ya’ll so much.
Now comes the negativity bias. While the people around me are all there and well, if I am being completely honest, I am not. Long story short, I have been struggling with body image, mental health and other evils I am still fighting. I have come to the hard realization but also beautiful truth of the false lie that has been ever present throughout my life; that is:
I believe being imperfect messes things up.
It’s something so deeply rooted in me that it would take years to explain, and unfortunately, has led to many vicious thoughts and behaviors upon myself over time. Yet on the flip side, this year I have leaned into vulnerability more than ever, which has most definitely involved a crap ton of tears, both privately and publicly (like in front of all 100 coworkers publicly), but there is something so invigorating about the release of holding onto something that you have been holding on to for so long and letting your heart flood out only for the support of your family and friends to put new life and love in.
According to my horoscope (thanks Greta), apparently this year’s theme for me is taking hold of the reigns of the “wellness wagon”. As silly as that sounds, I’m taking it to heart and putting my own health and wellness first and foremost. My health and wellbeing has always been important to me growing up and this last year, while I may have seemed okay on the outside, the insides were far from it. Not just this year, but from here on forever more, I am committing to taking the steps that I need to take to make me feel like my best self, inside and out. Along the way, I will fail and I’m accepting the fact that that’s alright, because I am human.
Nonetheless, to be open and honest with you all, here are not my resolutions, but rather…
MY 2018 INTENTIONS:
Meditate in the morning
Travel somewhere new
Eat less red meat and more vegetables
Sit with emotions
Talk with Jesus more
Talk about Jesus more
Get my creative juices flowing
Do some drastic change in appearance
Be a badass
I’m not quite entirely sure what all these will look like, but I have a feeling I will do them as imperfectly and humanly as possible with probably the best people ever.